Birthday Reflections

Another year has come and gone. It has both been a great year and an incredibly difficult year, but ya know what? *cue touché response* I’m thankful for all of it. It has shaped me into who I am today.

Some of my favorite moments:

  1. I got engaged to the love of my life.
  2. I’m feeling more comfortable around my future in-laws
  3. Choosing our wedding venue and moving into our future home.
  4. I found a great church and will get to serve on the worship team soon.
  5. My fiancé loving me unconditionally when I felt like I was unlovable.
  6. I started to learn a bit of photography.

Some of the hard moments:

  1. My fiancé having emergency surgery.
  2. Struggling to be a good leader at work (I am NOT a natural leader, y’all) and dealing with difficult situations there.
  3. The stress of designing and completing my own save the dates and invitations. It’s hard when it’s your own stuff and people have so many opinions and input on how it should look and when it needs to be done.
  4. Dealing with a lot of depression recently and not feeling out of it quite often.
  5. Hearing about all the hard things my family went through when they moved to California and not being able to practically help.
  6. I’ve felt pretty lonely for the past year, to be honest. I haven’t been able to consistently plug into community at my church, but I’m currently in the process of doing so.

Through all of this, there are two main things that I’ve learned.

1. Time waits for no one. 

When I got engaged, I thought that I wanted to have my wedding sooner instead of planning it so far in advance. Well, the month I wanted to get married in has come and gone and let me tell you, I’m GLAD that we waited because I would have been so overwhelmed. Time has been going by so quickly lately. I’ve been working full time and practically working full time on my business on the side as well (in addition to wedding planning). It’s hard. I struggle with managing time well.

I’m hoping this next year I can get better at scheduling and really plan out how I’ll make the best use of my time. To be honest, a lot of time was wasted this year because I didn’t plan. I let a lot of things happen and allowed laziness to creep in here and there. But, it’s time for a change. We are all blessed with the time on this earth that we’re given, and I just want to make sure I’m treating it as such. I don’t want to wake up one morning five years from now and wish I had done things differently. I want to make the best decisions NOW so I can live a life with no regrets and know that I did all that I could for the Kingdom.

2. There is enough grace for me.

Sometimes I am really hard on myself. Unbelievably hard. And it’s been leading to some depression for me recently, especially at work. I feel like I’m always failing or doing something wrong. Why can’t I be more like them because they get it so easily? Why can’t I have more of a command presence like them? Why am I even here? Why did they give me this position because clearly I’m not good at it? Why am I not further along in my faith? Why did I give into this temptation AGAIN? Y’all the list goes on. I’m sure you could see how this constant thought process can lead someone to a very bad place. And this is still fresh for me because literally last week, I talked to my bosses about possibly not being in leadership anymore because I’m just not good at it. I was at my breaking point. I wanted to give up. But today, I’m looking at things a bit differently. Ya girl ain’t no quitter. Even if my thoughts try to tell a different story. It’s a fight, but I’m thankful I serve a God where there is enough grace for me. There is grace for me to win this battle going on in my mind. There is grace for me to grow in my leadership. There is grace for me to keep pushing forward.

And if you’re reading this (for of all thank you, you da real mvp), I want you to know there is enough grace for you too, to get through whatever your battle is. The Lord is right beside you.

Until next time, friends. Thanks for reading!

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