• I am NOT my Social Anxiety

    Today, this is what social anxiety looked like for me. It looked like helping lead people in worship at my church for four services. But, there are certainly layers of that that I wanted to mention as well, because it’s important. Sometimes it looked like the anxiety ridden women sitting in the green room not knowing what to say to people or how to interact with them. Sometimes it looked like wanting to be part of conversations so bad but not having the ability to just walk up and take a chance. Sometimes it looked like just sitting by yourself for a while because you don’t know what else to do. Honestly, social anxiety is one of the most frustrating things that I personally deal with. Why? Because, contrary to what people may think at times, I really enjoy socializing. My problem is that my anxiety wears me out. One simple conversation can take a lot out of me, especially when I am around people I don’t know very well. Group settings or parties can be terrible for me sometimes. Even when they’re full of great people, I often times have a negative experience because of my anxiety. Conversations are just hard for me. Sometimes it’s even a struggle with people I already know and care about. Suuuuuper frustrating. Here’s the thing, though. Yes, I have social anxiety. Yes, it does suck. But I am not letting that define me. I am not social anxiety. I’m a child of God and I declare FREEDOM over my life in this area. God didn’t create me to let social anxiety get the best of me. Sometimes it just takes a step here and a step there in the right direction. I’ve come a long way. I remember a time in fifth grade…

  • What Two Weeks as a Newlywed Taught Me

    I’m just gonna start off by saying… I LOVE BEING MARRIED. Oh, what a gift the Lord has given me. A gift that I know all to well was hard to wait for (THE STRUGGLE WAS REAL) but SO worth the wait. I’m thinking about writing a post about that season of waiting… but I haven’t decided if I will yet. If you’d like to see that, let me know in the comments! I can’t believe that two weeks ago, I was walking down the aisle to start my forever with my best friend. These weeks have honestly flown by, but they have been the best weeks of my life. With that being said, I want to share three things that I have learned as a newlywed! I might actually turn this into a series as I continue learning things during this first year. We’ll see! Let’s go! 1. I have an incredibly large amount of love for my husband. I’m not saying I didn’t love him a lot before, but somehow, when we got married, something in my heart shifted. That shift caused my heart to be filled with even more love for him. I wasn’t even aware that this was a thing, but I love it. Each day, our love has been growing more and more. It helps me consider him more, love him better, become quick to forgive, and serve him well. It also makes the “you know what” a whole lot better, if ya know what I’m SAYIN’. Sorry NOT SORRY. 2. Talk it over before you make plans with your homies. This has actually been an easy transition for us. It has been helpful for us to consult with one another before we make plans with our friends. Not in a “Can I have permission?” kind…

  • Birthday Reflections

    Another year has come and gone. It has both been a great year and an incredibly difficult year, but ya know what? *cue touché response* I’m thankful for all of it. It has shaped me into who I am today. Some of my favorite moments: I got engaged to the love of my life. I’m feeling more comfortable around my future in-laws Choosing our wedding venue and moving into our future home. I found a great church and will get to serve on the worship team soon. My fiancé loving me unconditionally when I felt like I was unlovable. I started to learn a bit of photography. Some of the hard moments: My fiancé having emergency surgery. Struggling to be a good leader at work (I am NOT a natural leader, y’all) and dealing with difficult situations there. The stress of designing and completing my own save the dates and invitations. It’s hard when it’s your own stuff and people have so many opinions and input on how it should look and when it needs to be done. Dealing with a lot of depression recently and not feeling out of it quite often. Hearing about all the hard things my family went through when they moved to California and not being able to practically help. I’ve felt pretty lonely for the past year, to be honest. I haven’t been able to consistently plug into community at my church, but I’m currently in the process of doing so. Through all of this, there are two main things that I’ve learned. 1. Time waits for no one.  When I got engaged, I thought that I wanted to have my wedding sooner instead of planning it so far in advance. Well, the month I wanted to get married in has come and gone and…

  • Loc’d Up

    I remember growing up, my grandma would always put relaxers in my hair for me. I loved it. My hair was easier to maintain and straight, which is what I thought was beautiful. I always dreamed of it growing down my back and being at least waist length. (A girl can dream, right?) As an adult, I started to watch YouTube videos about how to grow your relaxed hair long because mine never seemed to be growing as much as I’d hoped. I tried different products and styles, but ultimately was never completely satisfied. My hair still never bounced like a person who who wasn’t of color unless I applied crazy amounts of heat (which could easily have damaged my hair in the long run). It honestly frustrated me because I just wanted my hair to flow nicely in the wind without having to try so hard. I even wished that my dad was a different race so that I could at least have had more of a shot at having “nice hair”. I hated it. It started to change in the summer of 2015. I started to get fascinated with natural hair. I thought of the pros and cons. To be honest, at that point, I had no idea what my natural hair texture was even like. My hair was relaxed since I was a child. My grandma told me it would be super nappy like hers (she wasn’t lyin’ either), but I appreciated her “good luck”. I thought I would just try it because I could always relax my hair if I didn’t like it. Little did I know what I was getting myself into, though. I originally decided to transition slowly into relaxed hair by letting it grow out so I at least had a few inches…

  • Something Beautiful

    Alright y’all. Here goes nothin’. I’ve always wanted to blog and would never stick to it. I found some old blog posts from a long time ago and added them to this new blog for the memories, but I’m hoping this would be the start of something beautiful for me. I’m excited to grow into the woman the Lord has called me to be, and I’m hoping that my journey will be an encouragement to you. And if not, hopefully you’ll have a good laugh at some point! I plan on sharing things about my walk, my relationships/family, simply/healthy living – basically whatever I want. It’s my blog, ya dig? But I do want it to be a place where I can be real and others feel comfortable enough to be real, too. I’m honestly not sure what will come of this or if I will “forget” about blogging as life gets busier, but I’m just taking one step at a time. If all else fails, I’ll still have the memories here I can look back on to remember how God has been faithful.

  • Abide in Him

    I am so thankful for the gift of life. Today, I am 24. I don’t really feel any older physically or mentally, but, spiritually, I notice something. There’s a spark – a fire, a deep desire for more of the Lord. I just want to be close to Him. I want to know Him like I know a friend. For the past few days, I’ve been praying that Jesus would be my treasure, that He alone would satisfy me rather than earthly things and desires. It has been easy for me to lose sight of the fact that Jesus needs to always be my treasure when I am distracted by other desires even though they may be good things. However, the Lord has given me so much grace in this area and has been showing me that He is enough, time and time again. And today, I felt the deep love of a perfect Father, and that is where I am resting today. I can truly say that He is my treasure. I was reading the first part of John 15 earlier today at a Bible Journaling event. There is something about that word “abide” that really stuck out to me.   Abide – to stay or live somewhere, to remain or continue Jesus said that He is the vine and we are the branches. Then he goes on to say that if we abide in Him, we will bear much fruit, but apart from Him, we can do nothing. I’m just letting that truth sink deep into my heart today. I am nothing apart from Him. I can do nothing of eternal value apart from the source that gives me life and strength. When I abide – stay, live, remain, and continue – in Him and in His love, the Father is…

  • When I Don’t Feel Him

    The Lord is faithful. He is faithful even when I don’t feel Him. This past Wednesday was a hard day for me. That morning, I was helping lead worship at morning prayer and let me tell you that the struggle was too real. I felt like the Lord wasn’t near, like the Lord was withholding His presence from me. I didn’t understand it. It felt so strange to help lead people in worship in this place. I questioned why I was even doing it. At some point, I talked about it with my friend, E, and he understood where I was coming from. He encouraged me, prayed for me, and told me that sometimes when you’re leading worship in that place, it’s a sacrifice of praise because we have to die to our emotions. What a good WORD, especially for me because one of my struggles is that my emotions take the lead sometimes and I am prone to believing the enemy’s lies. It was a perfect reminder that God is always worthy of praise! That night, however, was still hard. I did not really understand why the Lord seemed so far off when I have been more consistent in spending time with Him than I’ve been in the past. I knew in my heart that if I seek Him, I’d find Him. But, for some reason, it seemed like He was no where to be found. I prayed and waited and prayed and waited until eventually I just went to bed a bit disappointed. All I wanted was to be and feel close to Jesus but I felt no peace, no nothing. During morning prayer the next day, I really wasn’t feeling it. It was a struggleto even focus. Toward the end of morning prayer, the worship pastor, E, spoke up about disappointment…