• Birthday Reflections

    Another year has come and gone. It has both been a great year and an incredibly difficult year, but ya know what? *cue touché response* I’m thankful for all of it. It has shaped me into who I am today. Some of my favorite moments: I got engaged to the love of my life. I’m feeling more comfortable around my future in-laws Choosing our wedding venue and moving into our future home. I found a great church and will get to serve on the worship team soon. My fiancé loving me unconditionally when I felt like I was unlovable. I started to learn a bit of photography. Some of the hard moments: My fiancé having emergency surgery. Struggling to be a good leader at work (I am NOT a natural leader, y’all) and dealing with difficult situations there. The stress of designing and completing my own save the dates and invitations. It’s hard when it’s your own stuff and people have so many opinions and input on how it should look and when it needs to be done. Dealing with a lot of depression recently and not feeling out of it quite often. Hearing about all the hard things my family went through when they moved to California and not being able to practically help. I’ve felt pretty lonely for the past year, to be honest. I haven’t been able to consistently plug into community at my church, but I’m currently in the process of doing so. Through all of this, there are two main things that I’ve learned. 1. Time waits for no one.  When I got engaged, I thought that I wanted to have my wedding sooner instead of planning it so far in advance. Well, the month I wanted to get married in has come and gone and…

  • Abide in Him

    I am so thankful for the gift of life. Today, I am 24. I don’t really feel any older physically or mentally, but, spiritually, I notice something. There’s a spark – a fire, a deep desire for more of the Lord. I just want to be close to Him. I want to know Him like I know a friend. For the past few days, I’ve been praying that Jesus would be my treasure, that He alone would satisfy me rather than earthly things and desires. It has been easy for me to lose sight of the fact that Jesus needs to always be my treasure when I am distracted by other desires even though they may be good things. However, the Lord has given me so much grace in this area and has been showing me that He is enough, time and time again. And today, I felt the deep love of a perfect Father, and that is where I am resting today. I can truly say that He is my treasure. I was reading the first part of John 15 earlier today at a Bible Journaling event. There is something about that word “abide” that really stuck out to me.   Abide – to stay or live somewhere, to remain or continue Jesus said that He is the vine and we are the branches. Then he goes on to say that if we abide in Him, we will bear much fruit, but apart from Him, we can do nothing. I’m just letting that truth sink deep into my heart today. I am nothing apart from Him. I can do nothing of eternal value apart from the source that gives me life and strength. When I abide – stay, live, remain, and continue – in Him and in His love, the Father is…

  • When I Don’t Feel Him

    The Lord is faithful. He is faithful even when I don’t feel Him. This past Wednesday was a hard day for me. That morning, I was helping lead worship at morning prayer and let me tell you that the struggle was too real. I felt like the Lord wasn’t near, like the Lord was withholding His presence from me. I didn’t understand it. It felt so strange to help lead people in worship in this place. I questioned why I was even doing it. At some point, I talked about it with my friend, E, and he understood where I was coming from. He encouraged me, prayed for me, and told me that sometimes when you’re leading worship in that place, it’s a sacrifice of praise because we have to die to our emotions. What a good WORD, especially for me because one of my struggles is that my emotions take the lead sometimes and I am prone to believing the enemy’s lies. It was a perfect reminder that God is always worthy of praise! That night, however, was still hard. I did not really understand why the Lord seemed so far off when I have been more consistent in spending time with Him than I’ve been in the past. I knew in my heart that if I seek Him, I’d find Him. But, for some reason, it seemed like He was no where to be found. I prayed and waited and prayed and waited until eventually I just went to bed a bit disappointed. All I wanted was to be and feel close to Jesus but I felt no peace, no nothing. During morning prayer the next day, I really wasn’t feeling it. It was a struggleto even focus. Toward the end of morning prayer, the worship pastor, E, spoke up about disappointment…